I’m writing. I just hopped onto the WordPress site for the first time in a long time. I kind of don’t recognize the person who wrote all the articles here. I have taken a long break from my blog and writing. I don’t even know if I will publish this quite honestly. What I do know is that I must write and create because it is killing me inside, quietly and softly- not to.

Last December, I attended a conference at the Japanese American National Museum for a local organization here in town that focuses on art policy throughout the state of California. I sat in the large audience of people and then we were assigned break-out groups that we would share the morning with. My break-out group consisted of about 20 women ages 45+. I did not know a single soul there- all of them strangers. We were asked to introduce ourselves- you know the drill- tell me your name and a little bit about yourself and why you are here. For some odd reason, I felt compelled to be completely honest with this group of strangers. I think it’s because I didn’t know anyone personally and didn’t care if they judged me or thought me absolutely insane. But I was shocked by the words that came out of my mouth and I instantly regretted saying them the minute they came out but then what followed was a surprise. What I said was the following:

My name is Elizabeth and I have no idea really what I am doing here. I am a mother of three, husband to one, juggling my three children’s lives, active community volunteer, struggling professionally around ideas of identity and how to move forward and I love to write and tell stories but for some insane reason, I have not written one word in almost a year and I know that what is holding me back is FEAR. I am so afraid of moving forward into whatever lies ahead of me. Fear is holding me back from living my life.

When I uttered that word- Fear- there was a large collective GASP from every woman in the room. It was quite unbelievable. I had just tapped into what we were all feeling – despite touting backgrounds and experience and validation as to why we were there in that room. I was as shocked as everyone else was in that room by my words. Until that moment- when I announced that to the group- I had finally released what I had been feeling for quite some time but had not verbalized out loud to myself or others. But apparently I am not the only one carrying around this fear. From there, we engaged in an open dialogue as to what fear does to us and how it holds us back from living the best lives we can. I am grateful that my open honesty was met with sincere openness. Given another room full of different people- it could have turned out another way.

And so I will write. I will live some days in the shadow of my fear. Other days, I will step out of it. But I’m gonna write- yes I am. I will tell my stories again. I can’t guarantee that I will publish all of them- in fact- I know many of them I will not. I need to write and create- of that I am certain. How I will share my stories with the world remains to be seen. It will be a journey and process of that I am sure.

What are you afraid of? How is it holding you back from living your life?




Happy Monday! Last week I was nominated by Teressina at Dream Bigger and Sherri- Mystical Writer for the Versatile Blogger Award. Thank you Teressina and Sherri for this nomination! I met both of these ladies and their blogs through the Blogging University course we all took back in January. Take a moment to check out their blogs and read through their lovely posts.

The guidelines for accepting this nomination are:

  1. Show the award on my blog- doing this now
  2. Thank the person/people who nominated me- doing this now
  3. Share 7 things about myself (Oh boy!)
  4. Nominate 10 blogs (do I know of 10? I will try)

7 Things about Me:

  1. My favorite color is turquoise.
  2. I love to read- sometimes 2-4 books at the same time. I also am one of those readers who sometimes reads the end of the book when I am about 75 pages in or so and then goes back to the beginning so I can read it with the end in mind. Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me?
  3. I have an unhealthy obsession with zombie apocalypses and the end of the world. Walking Dead, Fear of the Walking Dead, the original walker movie – Night of the Living Dead and all the ones after that, Z Nation, the list goes on and on. Sometimes if I find myself alone in a bathroom or in an office building I think “wait- am I in a zombie apocalypse?”
  4. I love to travel and go on high-risk adventures. I’ve backpacked through South East Asia, Japan, Europe, Mexico, Central America and Latin America. I have gone hang- gliding, cave spelunking, jungle trekking, parasailing, cliff-jumping, snorkeling, ocean swimming and exploring.
  5. Currently a HOT YOGA junkie- a 90 minute yoga class in a 90 plus degree room. I love how buckets of sweat just drip off in puddles around me and how strong my muscles feel after class. Yummy.
  6. Vintage, vintage, vintage. I treasure all things old. People, books, photos, clothes, architecture, food, antiques and collectibles.
  7. I absolutely love food. All kinds of food. I love thinking about food. I love cooking food and eating food. As a child, I used to thumb through cookbooks and look at food pictures just for fun. I still do.

5 Blogs I Nominate for the Versatile Blogger Award…

  1. Just Blue Dutch
  2. History Fashion Traveler
  3. The Front Door Project
  4. Suvarna Ventures
  5. Words Are All I Have

I have really enjoyed getting to know you bloggers in this blogosphere world! Your posts encourage, inspire and help me see things sometimes in a different light. I look forward to continuing to reading about the amazing journeys you are all on.

The nominees are not obligated to accept this award but if they do, they will need to follow the steps above.

Thank you again to Teressina and Sherri!

Love and blessings,



It’s a Dog Eat Dog World


It’s a dog eat dog world out there” she screamed and “I’m wearing milk-bone underwear!!

Last day of the quote challenge and I had so much fun remembering this quote and the time period that accompanied it. Please enjoy and Happy Sunday! Thank you to Faraday’s Challenge for inviting me to this challenge and now I challenge Mommy Lanes Adventures. 

Kate walked into the apartment and slammed the door, took her heavy backpack off and exhaled before telling us her story.

She’d been walking down Frat Row, passing the many fraternities with their unkempt grass lawns and disheveled front doors and shrubbery. She had stopped only because she happened to see a woman’s purse laying on the ground in front of her on the sidewalk and thought- someone’s lost their purse- let me see if there’s an ID inside so I can return it to the owner. But instead of finding an ID, what she found was a pile of what I truly hope was dog shit inside the purse. This was Berkeley after all and anything, I mean anything could have been possible. She screamed in disgust and flung the purse far away from her. By the time she arrived at our apartment on Dwight Way, she was boiling mad and fed up with how difficult and overwhelming college life seemed to be.

We were in our 3rd and 4th undergraduate college years at UC Berkeley living in a 4 bedroom flat that could have been the International House (I-House). All of us in one place for a short but critical period of our lives- having taken so many different journeys to get there.

Will- the aspiring attorney who liked adding kidney beans to his spaghetti sauce and spent his days debating philosophy at cafes and had grown up in the middle-class black suburbs of LA(yes, they exist).

Ben- the hard-core architect who loved building anything and photography. He hailed from Sacramento and dated a Catholic girl which would have been fine if he wasn’t Jewish. It led to some interesting late-night conversations.

Linda- my bestie who I met during freshman orientation days who on that day told me she was going to medical school and would be a doctor. Japanese-Mexican and another So-Cal girl, we bonded instantly. To this day, I don’t know how she did it, but the girl did not sleep and I would find her every night watching television all night always awake and studying biology, physics, the infamous o-chem class, in-between blue screens. She always cried if she pulled out anything less than a B in class. How was she going to get into medical school she wailed? I secretly thought, hmmm – maybe you should stop watching all that television. But I always kept my mouth shut. Who was I to judge?

And there was Kate of course. Kate hailed from the land of Encino, California and had worked her ass off at 2-year community college to get the coveted position of transfer student to UC Berkeley. But all Kate talked about was Dooney & Burke purses and her boyfriend Tim who she would surely marry right after graduation because their parents were life-long friends. Kate dreamt of getting out of college as quickly as possible so she could get on with the rest of her life. “I wish I could just wake up and be like 28 years old, married to Tim and pregnant with the first kid.” College life was not what she thought it would be so she dreamt of what she was sure were better days ahead.

I think about some of these characters sometimes. I wonder how life has worked out for them. If it turned out the way they thought it would. Continue reading “It’s a Dog Eat Dog World”

There’s a New Doll in Town

barbieMy new friend Faraday’s Candle is participating in the quote challenge and has invited me to join in the fun. This is Day 2 of the 3-Day Quote Challenge.

Today, I would like to invite my new friend Chateau Des Reves to join me in this challenge!

Post one quote a day for 3 days 

Challenge one new blogger per day for 3 days

So, I’m sure by now you’ve all heard that Barbie’s had a make-over. And these aren’t any simple hair color changes. These are big, awesome awe-inspiring changes.

Barbie now comes in 3 body shapes- curvy (yay!), tall and petite. She’s also got 7 different shades of skin tones and 18 different eye colors to choose from now. I didn’t actually know that 18 different eye colors were possible but who the heck cares?! It’s diversity baby. I’ve waited 30 years for these offerings to be a reality and the 10-year-old Latina girl in me cannot wait to purchase a Barbie doll that looks like me. She’s going to be curvy with brown hair and brown eyes. And then together with baby girl- we are going to choose a Barbie that looks like her with chocolate skin and brown hair.

It’s about damn time Barbie. Welcome to the 21st century.

new barbie

Life is Like a Box of Chocolates


My new friend Faraday’s Candle is participating in the quote challenge and has invited me to join in the fun.

I would like to invite my new friend Inpromptu Promptlings to join me!

Post one quote a day for 3 days 

Challenge one new blogger per day for 3 days

Forrest Gump’s journey through the classic film”Forrest Gump” communicates a core, universal message – that all of us are on our individual life journeys, sometimes drifting like a tiny feather through the wind, so vulnerable and fragile- the slightest wind pushes us into a completely different direction, finds us in a place we never could have imagined. Yet, our ability to find happiness and peace within our current situation depends on how we react to those winds of change.

One year ago I was living in my forever home in Los Angeles- you know that place where you think they will drag your dead body out of because you don’t plan on going anywhere for the next however many years? Had no clue what was in store for me in the future. One year later, I sit here in St. Louis, Missouri-  thousands of miles away from my forever home.

I’ve always enjoyed the milk chocolate with cherry fillings. These days, however I am prone to caramel and pecan. I don’t put back the “bad” chocolates back into the box if I find them disgusting, as I did as a small child. I have learned to eat them anyways and try to find something sweet about each one of them.


IMG_1988You there. Yeah you. Just stop a minute won’t you?

I know you. I know you are tired. Your soul hurts. Your brain hurts from too much thinking, analyzing and creative problem-solving.

It’s hard to get up every day and be inspired. It’s hard to try to always look at the bright side of things- every single  day. People suck sometimes and no one likes or relates to what they can’t understand. It’s hard to be different. To always stick out. To always have to explain your story. To always be on your way to somewhere. Sometimes- you just want to be there already. You want to sit there and stare off into space and just be.

You’re too short or you’re too tall and you’ve got too many pounds you’ve been trying to lose for oh- three years now. There are way more wrinkles and gray hairs than you could have ever imagined at this age. Sometimes you get too emotional and say the wrong things. Then think- screw it- who the hell cares what they think anyway?

But you continue to get up, even if it’s half-ass. You never cook the pork chops all the way and end up having to stick them in the oven again and again until the pink goes away. You show up to the Girl Scout cookie meeting and listen to the ins and outs of cookie selling and smile politely at the moms you barely know across the table and ask about their Winter Break. You go on your 30-day sugar detox in the hopes of whittling away some of that layer around the mid-section and putting off that Type 2 diabetes that runs like crazy in your family.

FullSizeRenderYou’re not dead yet. It’s not over. You need to keep up the good fight.

Just know that I understand, I get it. You are not alone. Rest your head just for a moment. Put your feet up. Grab your cup of coffee. Pull that blanket around your shoulders a little tighter. Cry in your car at the red light where no one sees. Go back to your daily meditation breaks, your hot yoga class, listening to Adele’s 25, to your podcasts, to your Spotify/Pandora stations;  reading the 3 sisters- the Washington Post, the New York Post, the Huffington Post- self-selecting those articles that get your heart beating  once again, scrolling through your Facebook and Instagram feeds, reading the blogs you follow, whatever it is that keeps you ticking and going and continuing to be inspired. Just don’t stop.

I won’t if you don’t.