I swam laps in the pool this morning. Broke out my pink Speedo swim cap, pink goggles and TYR reversible swimsuit and carried them off in my bag. The swim cap had sand on it from the Pacific- from a very long time ago. I noticed the gear in my bag of course and asked me – “Momma, you going swimming without us?” Yes, dear heart- Momma is swimming without you. I felt a slight wave of guilt. I dropped the kiddos off at school and drove right over to the gym. The water was slightly cold as my body slipped in. I swam tenatively at first- freestyle strokes to warm up and find my rhythm. It took about 15 minutes but I found my groove and just like that I was swimming again. Stroke, stroke, breathe. Stroke, stroke, breathe. Repeat for 20 minutes.
I seem to have found my rhythm again and it feels right and good. All 3 kids have started school and are thriving. Not just surviving but thriving. We are only 3 days into this journey but I am filled with a renewed sense of gratitude and optimism for our life and the people in it.
A monarch butterfly visited me yesterday as I was reading “The Lowland” on the back porch. Every now and then, a butterfly visits us and stays awhile. He does not fly away. He makes sure that we notice him and then hangs around. I silently push my tears away. I know that Trevor Sr. is near. He’s watching over us, keeping a close eye on our journey- this I know in my heart. We’re going to be okay and he’s okay too. The life cycle continues.
M rides his bike to and from school – it is a 10 minute bike ride. When he gets home, he’s sweaty but happy. He eats big and then without me prodding, begins homework. Lots of homework. I peek at his organizer when he is not looking just to know what he’s doing and so I don’t have to ask a lot of questions. He is so detailed and organized. The homework looks challenging but creative. He focuses and I let him be.
C smiles his big flashy dimpled smile when he walks up to me at school pick-up. He looks content and doesn’t complain. I try to not ask a lot of questions but still get information. I know when to back off. He’s not revealing a lot but the fact he’s not complaining is a very good sign. At home, he tries to sneak in video time but I interfere and ask him to relax in bed, lay with Summer and read a book. Sometimes it works.
I wakes up every morning with a huge smile on her face- “Good morning, Momma.” In line at school as we say goodbye we blow each other kisses. When I pick her up, she rushes over to my bear hug. All is right in the world and because she gets out 5 minutes before C, she is all mine and I am hers and she breathlessly tells me everything she did in her day. She checked out a library book, she played a game on the rug, she played with Charlotte, she doesn’t get to play on the monkey bars because she is too little and this disappoints her to no end. At this age, they tell you everything and girls are very different than boys. I am so grateful for having my girl last. I eat up every word and pay attention to every detail. I am an older mom now- with the time and patience to be able to do this. I know this time too will pass far too quick.
And me? I spend my days at a quiet and peaceful pace. I attend yoga class and meet people who are vegans and going through life transitions too. I go grocery store shopping and have the time to constantly stock up the pantry. I fold the laundry and actually put it away. I read books, blogs, the e-edition of the Los Angeles Times, email, and social media. I reflect on my daily devotional. I eat breakfast and drink my coffee in silence and gratitude. I hold conference calls with clients and get back into the world of non-profit work. I have lunch with my husband. I text message my four sisters and share with them everything happening to me throughout the day. I talk on the phone with Mom and Mom-in-law. I think and I laugh. I may have made a friend or two. They make me laugh too.