Last night I had the most pleasant dream. I was a child again and I was in a place I have very fond memories of- my Tia Soco’s house- in my older cousins’ Angelica and Gaby’s room. It was a big room with two twin sized beds side by side filled with a lot of toys, dolls and books. The thing is I had not thought of that room in maybe 20 plus years. In my conscious state- I cannot remember or tell you what it looked like but in the dream – with my subconscious – every single detail was perfectly clear like wearing glasses or contacts when you haven’t seen clearly in so long. And I swear I dreamt it right- exactly how it used to be. I was lying in the left sided bed – the one I think remember belonging to Angelica and I was just so darn happy. I had an overwhelming feeling of being completely free and unencumbered- no responsibilities, deadlines, not one care in the world. A child once again. Truly that’s what being a child felt like to me and I had not felt that in so long that it completely took me over. That dream – that feeling- it sustained me all day long- I carried that feeling deep inside me. In the last few weeks my mind has been filled with lots of old childhood memories of home or what home feels like.
Spending the night at Abuelita Chelo’s house- the one on Huron Street- in either Tia Yoli or Tia Elvia’s bedrooms. Windows open with the scent of that sweet honeysuckle coming in. Thinking that there was all this stuff happening in the world but there in that little house it did not matter- anything that was mildly important was happening right there. It was the center of the universe or so it seemed.
Living day to day in my old childhood home. Thinking and wishing I could go back there, knock on the door and tell the people who live there that I used to live there- that I grew up there and that it was good. Just to get one more glimpse of that kitchen- with the blue walls and remember that old wood table that seated the world a few times a day. Everything happened in that kitchen. To close my eyes and picture the way it used to be and to see everyone who was there with me in it. Mom, Dad, Nydia, Melina, Veronica and Valerie. The Sanchez Family. The Sanchez girls. Just one more time. Please. I never did say goodbye to that old house.
Sitting on Tia Soco’s kitchen floor with my partner in crime- cousin Angelica and going through every single one of her 1970’s cookbooks in order to look at the beautiful pictures of food and deserts. Even at a young age, I could appreciate true beauty and good food!
So many memories and so many good feelings of home. BUT In between my trips down memory lane, I have to admit that I’ve also been having my usual dreams of anxiety- sweaty fears. Whenever a change is a coming in my life- I start to stress about it in my dreams. This time is no different. I’ve dreamed that I was in Missouri and looked out and water was as high as my waist and I was completely flooded with no where to go. Tornadoes, thunderstorms, bugs- I’ve dreamed them all. I wake up with my heart pounding and a metallic fear in my mouth. So you can see why I so welcomed last night’s dream.
We’ve got a moving date. The packers and moving van will be here very soon. And we’ve got new digs. It’s a beautiful, old (of course!), 4 bedroom home with a yard. So we expect visitors- lots of them. I wish it was New York city- I really do. But the best I can offer you is a cozy guest room, my loud crazy family and some yummy home cooking. And now my work begins – now I will go about trying to make it a home. A home that one day I can have beautiful dreams about.